I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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