before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
