My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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