she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
