I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
