You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
