It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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