You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
