He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
