Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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