I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
