he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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