so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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