What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
