Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
