who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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