My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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