too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
