How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
