I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize