so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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