If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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