i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
