I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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