Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
