Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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