Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
