She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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