I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize