Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
