Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
