just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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