I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
