the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
