he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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