you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize