you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize