i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
