He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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