he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
