I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
