I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
