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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
