Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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