If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
