She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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