Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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