I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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