"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
