listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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