yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize