Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
