I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
