u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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