Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
