wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
