You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So much rum. So many feels.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize