Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
