I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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