Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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