I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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