everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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