I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
