I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
