nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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