remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need water and some morals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
